I’ve been in Portland for 23 years, but last month I fell in love with it all over again.
It felt like renewing vows in a relationship that has continued to hum along after years of routine and beautifully boring stability. Since arriving here at the age of 19 (a transplant from Eugene with a short stint in New York), I’ve never stopped loving Portland. But I saw it again with fresh eyes and now I feel the need to declare my love for it from the rooftops like a lovesick teenager.
The First Heartbreak of Leaving Portland
At 28, I flew to Costa Rica on a one way ticket with dreams of being whisked off to another life. Yet even then, I vividly recall the heartbreak I experienced as I left everyone and everything I knew behind me in search of ‘more’. I was terrified out of my mind to be setting off on this adventure (the original plan had included my best friend), but the fear of going it alone was not the only thing causing my racking sobs.
As Portland receded further into the distance, I became acutely aware of how much this city meant to me. Just under a decade of calling Portland home, I felt more a part of this city than anywhere I had ever been in the previous 28 years of my life.
Two Decades Later: Still Here, Still in Love
There was no way for me to have known, now more than 2 decades in, that I would still be here. That despite longing to leave America for greener pastures when I am most frustrated with our politics and the backwards values I cannot comprehend- I cannot think of a single other city I’d rather be in.
I have lived in all quadrants of Portland, with the most amount of time spent in Northeast, in the Cully neighborhood. I’ve lived in the same home now for 12 years, the longest I’ve lived anywhere in my life. And while I dream of spending my final years outside of the states, the next several decades will likely be spent in Portland.
A Weekend Downtown: Seeing Portland Anew
In an effort to do some deep work, I am spent the weekend at a hotel downtown. While it felt strange to leave my husband and dog across the river for a few nights, my excitement grew for this opportunity to experience my own city from a different purview.
I’ve always poked fun at Portland’s downtown. I’ve always felt it has little to offer. And while I wholeheartedly admit that during the pandemic things got rough down there, I was surprised at just how much there was going on within blocks of the Hyatt Centric where I stayed on SW 11th and Alder St.
Crossing the River: A Rare Pilgrimage
I stay pretty close to home these days outside of work. I occasionally cross the river into NW and SW for specific errands, tasks bundled as best I can because making the pilgrimage to the other side of town feels like a huge effort most of the time. I rarely spend more than a few hours over there- more so if adding in a movie at the Living Room Theater or tacking on a meal because, why not? ‘I’ve come this far’, I tell myself.
I make the trek across the river so seldomly that I am in a perpetual state of surprise at the businesses that no longer exist and the new ones that have taken their places. But I admit that goes for most parts of Portland- businesses come and go before I’ve taken the opportunity to experience many of them.
A Morning Walk Through Memory
On that Saturday morning I woke early and took a walk around the the area. I am certain I have never trounced the streets of downtown at that hour. Many a late nights in my earlier years I wandered the streets after a show or post-dancing, but never around 8 in the morning.
While admittedly more has changed in the area than not, I was strangely comforted to see old haunts from my twenties like Momo’s, Scandals and the Virginia Cafe. It’s nice to see these places persevere.
As I explored the streets, I had to half squint to remember the businesses that used to exist where new ones have taken their place. Some blocks had been so overhauled that I couldn’t place what used to be. The Galleria looks defunct. Cassidy’s is somehow still there. And tons of spaces have flipped many times over, and although I could recall the last two restaurants they were, my memory couldn’t go beyond that.
Pride in the Face of Misrepresentation
I felt immense pride walking the streets of downtown, especially in the current moment when the president is telling the world that Portland is ‘ravaged by war’ and needs the government to step in. A grin spreads across my face when I think about our community’s response to ICE agents infiltrating our city- a naked bike ride, one of Portland’s beloved annual rituals- in honor of their arrival. We had an unparalleled turnout for the most recent No Kings protest- tens of thousands of people dressed in inflatable costumes- bringing all our weirdness for the world to see us in our unity.
The Price of Progress (and My Nostalgia)
I admit I’ve complained a lot in the last several years about the ever increasing prices of just about everything in Portland. I am gobsmacked that a latte can cost eight dollars, or that I can pay over twenty dollars with tip for Pad Kee Mao from a food truck. Yet, I wouldn’t think twice about such prices if I visited another city because that’s just life in America now.
Unencumbered by my car or having to re-up my parking kitty, I was free to roam by foot, coffee shop to coffee shop, peeking into shops aimlessly without any kind of timeline to limit my perusing. The experience is made me realize that, while prices have undoubtedly climbed northwards, that in large part my frustrations have been based on my clinging to the past- old Portland in the early aughts when you could get a tallboy for $2 and rent was five hundred a month with utilities.
It’s been a long time since a burrito was $8. But when I’m shaking my fist and grumbling under my breath every time it’s time to pay for something, I need to remind myself that I’m comparing the prices to a version of this city that is long gone. This city might be expensive now, but it had a good run and I’m fortunate to have gotten to experience that era.
Portland is Magic
Each time I fly somewhere, I’m reminded how special our airport is. Wandering shifty-eyed from Chili’s to McDonald’s to Johnny Rockets in other cities airports, I long for the local variety of PDX as I shell out $21.97 for a wilted sandwich. While I agree that we’ve endured decades of renovation after renovation, the end result has been breathtaking and our beloved airport continues to win awards.
Seeing Portland Like a Visitor
I am grateful that this time, I don’t have to leave Portland to revel in the beauty and unique value of this city. Instead, I placed myself in the middle of the city where I had spent the least time in all my years here. To see Portland from the vantage point from which many visitors see it was illuminating. While I sincerely hope that those who travel to Portland visit other neighborhoods outside of downton, I know I’ve been guilty of never leaving a hotel neighborhood for a short stint in another city, so I fault them in no way whatsoever.
If the downtown area was all I saw of Portland, I’d still be impressed. Portland was built on good coffee, great beer, inventive cocktails and a hub for gastronomic creativity, and all of that is within quick reach here. And while large companies like Nike, Adidas and Columbia Sportswear are a way of life, our city also has such an outpouring of support for small boutique businesses and niche communities.
A Thank You to the City That Raised Me
Portland, I want to thank you. The liberal bubble I’ve had the honor of living in for these years has skewed my belief in how things should be. Fabulous food in bars, tattoos on every inch of skin, dogs dogs dogs, and nerdy but natural beauty that trumps cookie-cutter beauty standards any day. I know I’ve talked a lot of shit the last few years, but this is my sincere apology and a teary-eyed adulation for a city that has molded me into the person I’ve become.
I love you Portland, and I’m grateful to still be here. I know we have our problems, but there is so much soul and devotion to art and the good fight. I’m proud of the person I’ve become and the values that I have from spending my the last several decades here. Even when one day I leave this town, I know that my time here has made an indelible mark. It has been, and continues to be, a true honor to call Portland home.
